MYSPACE VS. FACEBOOK: WHICH CAN GET YOU LAID MORE
Monday, December 15, 2008
MYSPACE VS. FACEBOOK: THE SAGA CONTINUES

The year is 2008, fastly approaching 2009. I ask you all this question. How many people do you know WITHOUT either a Myspace or Facebook profile? If you answered a few, well you are a minority. According to Techradar.com a total of 170 million people are registered to one or the other, or even both sites. Those are pretty impressive numbers considering what both Myspace and Facebook started off as. Just a small idea to keep people connected, and look what it exploded into? Do you think Myspace Tom ever thought his little social networking idea would spawn relationships, make bands into overnight superstars and make that girl next door an international sensation? Both of these sites have injected themselves into our lives to such an extent we have to check on our friends Facebook status on the hour via cell phone or check our Myspace inbox to see if that dreamy guy/girl messaged us back on the hour. For some people it has launched them into careers of modeling, acting, hell even the totally talentless (see Tila Tequila) has garnered international superstar status by blogging about lipstick colors and lesbianism. Pretty much, if you have an internet connection, a digital camera and a little html know-how, you have a chance to be your own little celebrity, rock-star. It’s an idea that engulfs us all at times. And I call bullshit if you have never lipsynched or air-guitared in front of a mirror.

I am guilty of falling into the self indulgent world of both Myspace and Facebook. I’m not going to make excuses. I like attention and I’m willing to bet the majority of people also like attention. Otherwise how else would explain all those girls posing half naked in front of their bathroom mirrors with cell phone camera in hand on their Myspace pages? But which site can actually deliver the goods and get you laid? THAT'S the real question isn't it? Again, your not putting on your best makeup for that perfect cell phone picture for nothing are you? So today I’m going to weigh and compare the two social networking giants based on my personal experiences and some other's experience. Now I know both of these sites are not billed as dating sites so to speak, but we all know the truth of the matter here. I'm willing to bet out of those 170 million people with profiles out there, at least more than half aren't really interested in spreading the word about the latest shitty band in your neighborhood…MYSPACE VS. FACEBOOK!! The saga continues!

Myspace
Where do I start? I remember a friend telling me I should join the site after I just got out of a bad relationship way back in 2000. He didn't bill it as a dating site, just a site where you can meet people which appealed to me because of my zombie-like work hours at the time. i didn't and still do not have the time to go out and mingle in bars, clubs, bookstores or the local coffee shop to hit on, flirt with or approach women...your mother included. I was apprehensive about the whole idea of having my information out on display for all to see until i saw how many women were EXTREMELY excited to take soft core porn shots in front of their bathroom mirror and post them for the world to see! "If these girls can almost show nipple and aren't worried about anything, why should I thought?" was one of my thoughts. My other thoughts ranged between how much lotion do I own and will anyone notice a tube of it on my computer desk. I succumbed and immediately started adding people I knew, people they knew then eventually just random hot chicks. "Where are these girls in real space!?!" I asked!!! I grew some balls and asked a few out. Some blew me off, others took me up on the offer and gave me many stories to tell for years. Some good, some bad...mostly bad.

Obviously I will hide the identities of all girls because I don't want to get WD SYNDICATE sued. Hell, then again, we barely own anything so if these descriptions come anywhere close to you I suppose you can give your jerkoff lawyer a call. Our secretaries will be standing by. Here are the wackiest two broads I've met on Myspace.

Girl#1 - "The Mouth"
This gal started off as a pen pal. We would exchange messages, comments almost on a sickening level. Eventually phone numbers were exchanged and finally we started hanging out. She was a cool girl with great taste in music in my opinion and we had plenty in common. BUT...it should have been kept on that friend level. Once we crossed the line I started seeing who this girl really was. For one thing, she wouldn't shut up. She had a nervous tick in her face that made me start thinking she had a form of Tourette Syndrome. Needless to say it didn't work out as she started to make up stories of how we were such great friends and how we were truly in love, blah..blah..blah... Truth of the matter is we spoke about maybe a dozen times on the phone in about 2-3 years and have hung out physically about 3-5 times. But yeah, that's true love.


Girl#2 "The Itch"
I friended this girl purely on impulse. She was hot therefore I added her. Shame on me, I know. But whatever, I was on a mission to meet someone...ANYONE, at this point in my life. She was a tan brunette with, what appeared to be a pretty smoking body (you'll see where this is going). Again, we started messaging and commenting back and forth and eventually moved to a phone relationship...a big step in the internet world. On the phone she had a very strong Irish brog, which surprised me because of her tanned complexion. "Oh, I just got back from vacation." she replied. It eased any anxiety I had that she would be a totally different person when and if we ever met. Speaking of anxiety, all her photos were "waist up" pictures. "Hmmm this has disaster written all over it" I remember thinking. We agreed to meet up for lunch and a drink one day. I ring the bell and it all comes to fruition. Yes she's tan. Because she's Pakistani! Something you may have wanted to share with me, but again, shame on me, because when someone says they are Irish that just means they were born there. Hell, I know a bunch of black Italian citizens who were born there as well, but I wouldn't ask them to make me ravioli. The date was horrible. She proceeded to get so drunk she could barely walk. The more drunk she got the less I could understand her as accent got really incoherent. I also got to notice her mangled teeth on occasion when she would laugh so loud her mouth opened like a PEZ dispenser to put all those "summer teeth" (summer here, summer there) on display. I smoothly told her i had to go to work earlier and guided her back to my car. During our walk and ride back to deliver this mess home, I noticed she kept scratching her stomach violently. We arrived at her apartment, I opened her car door and came to a horrifying discovery. Her shirt was almost completely undone revealing what she had been scratching. It appeared to be a rash I could only describe as "flesh eating" and "zombie-like". I ejected her to her front door and ran home to disinfect the ride. Friendship - deleted.


FACEBOOK
Facebook, to me, is for grownups. Hell, my brother, sister in-law and all of my family is on there so I usually am on somewhat of my best behavior. It's not the right setting to go out and whore about town. This really is the best way to keep in contact with old friends and reconnect with people from grammer school, high school and college. Sounds great right?

Wrong. Yes its all nice to see what your long lost friend from 15 years ago is up to. But its also a bit depressing. Think about it. You see all your old classmates all married and having kids and what are you doing? Trying to bang girls off the internet!? Posting why Chuck Norris is the world's biggest badass!? Hey look there's that girl ou use to drool over in high school. She married the guy who use to kick you in the nuts on your way to gym class and they have 2.5 kids, a sick house and three cars. And what do you have? Maybe a goldfish and a lot of credit card debt from charging happy endings at the Korean Massage Palace.



So in review. I liken Myspace as what some child molestors see a schoolyard as...a smorgasboard full of opportunity. Everyone is on there for self gratification so why not fuel the ego by trying to cash in with some fornication? Facebook really is just a social networking site, good for personal and business use...and also if your looking for that extra push off the ledge if your down in the dumps about your miserable life.

GDevil

Labels: ,