CONFESSIONS OF A MASSAGE PARLOR QUEEN
Tuesday, September 16, 2008

So here I am waiting in a White Castle parking lot, somewhere in Central New Jersey. It's around 2AM on a Wednesday morning, or Tuesday night depending on how early you go to bed I suppose. I start to get a weird feeling that my interview subject isn't going to show. "Well there goes my diet," I say to myself as I start through the drive through. So it's not a total waste, I order up ten hamburgers, cooked on a bed of onions and steamed to perfection. My colon will pay for it tomorrow I know. As I am about to sink my teeth into my first murder burger I get a text message. "I'm here, where are you?" it reads. I look around the parking lot and see a stunning female figure getting out of a brand new pearl white, BMW 6-series convertible. She's wearing a halter-top that looks as if it could use a hand supporting a set of cosmetically enhanced breasts. Her pristine figure is somehow squeezed into possibly the tightest pair of jeans I have ever seen and of course the outfit is topped off with a pair of stilettos that could double as harpoons. I lean out of my window to grab her attention. She acknowledges by cracking a smile and struts her way toward my truck. The amount of attention she just demanded from the White Castle staff is hilarious as I watch them all hanging out of the service window drooling. With each step her long, brown curly hair bounces ever so gently and in total unison with her tits. It's a perfect symphony of hair, jewelry and silicone.


She gets in on the passenger side, flashes that smile again and reaches for a burger without even asking. "I fucking love these things!" she says as she chows down. All the while I can't decide if I'm totally attracted to her or totally disgusted as I watch her throw slider after slider down her throat with little effort. There's a sort of gracefull-ness to her eating. With each bite or two she takes a new napkin, wipes her mouth, sips on her diet Coke then reapplies lip gloss. We decide to grab some more burgers before we start to chat. The pimple-covered teen at the service window is practically drooling as he hands over the grub. Sensing she's being watched she decides to tease the teenager a little bit by leaning over me any doubt of my window, getting extremely close to the kid. "We're gonna need some more ketchup sweetie," She purrs. I, along with the kid, melt like the American cheese on our burgers. And off we go.

She goes by the name Corrine. Her half Russian, half Korean background gives her both subtle, and brilliant facial features. I tell her she's the first Russian/Korean person I have ever met.

GDEVIL: Are there a lot of you out there?
CORRINE: Not at all. Not that I know of at least. My father is from Ukraine. He worked with the military there. I don’t know the whole story, and he’s very reluctant to tell me, but somehow he ended up in China, then Korea, where he met my mother. From there they fell in love, moved to Australia for a while then finally landed in the states.

I'm intrigued at how such a beautiful specimen of a woman can be this down to earth and comfortable with a complete stranger. I mean when you look at Corrine from the neck up, she could be mistaken for a runway model. From the neck down however, she's all porn star. And here she is shoveling White Castle down her mouth in an empty parking lot on a weekday night with me of all people. Then I remember what it was that Corrine does for a living that got her this interview. You see Corrine is a masseuse. We're not talking licensed massage therapist here. You won't see Corrine getting referrals from physical therapists anytime soon. No, she's the type of masseuse that has a "menu" of services. Most popular on her menus is the ever-famous "happy ending"

CORRINE: I prefer to call it a "manual release". Sounds more professional than asking for a handy.

GDEVIL: I don't know. That sounds like something I'd ask my proctologist to do, not a call girl.
I get a cold stare with that last comment. Shit! Eat another burger and stay cool. Apparently I said something wrong. And that I did. Yes people, Corrine offers bodywork along with other sexual "items" on her menu. But whatever you do DO NOT call her a prostitute, call girl or hooker. As we sat on my back bumper Corrine educated me on the in's and out's of the massage biz... no pun intended.

GDEVIL: So tell me, in your own words, what it is that you do. Word it as if you were writing out a resume for yourself.
CORRINE: It would read, "Massage Therapist and Stress Reliever: Four years experience in the field of gratification through intimate touching"

GDEVIL: Nice. You're hired! Short and sweet, I like that. So you've been "lending a hand" so to speak for four years? How'd you get started?
CORRINE: Well, sadly a lot of Russian and Eastern European as well as Asian girls get pulled into doing it. Many of the girls are actually paying their way into this country. They sign a contract with these mobster type guys who promise to get them into the U.S. and give them a job and all their papers. When they get here they usually get stuck stripping in clubs, working at massage parlors or straight up being a prostitute. They have a debt to work off and once they do it they are free to do what they want. It sounds all horrible but these girls know what they are getting into prior.

GDEVIL: All this and your compassionate too? But wait, you were born here weren't you?
CORRINE: Hey look, I'm sure there are girls out there who don't know any better, but come on now. No one is going to just give a pretty girl a free ticket to the U.S. And yes, I was born here.

GDEVIL: So why do you do it? You don't have to pay for your citizenship.
CORRINE: Quite simple..I do it because the money is great. I love having my own cash. And this is the easiest job ever. I love men and money. I'm in heaven when I go to work. I started out stripping at a club when I was in High School. It paid my way through collee when a girlfried I knew told me she was turning tricks in the VIP room and makng triple what she normally would. I started doing that when I met a guy who told me about this massage place he was partners on. It sounded less seedy to me so I took him up on it. Now I have regular clients and make some good money.

GDEVIL: What's your weekly take home? Before taxes of course.
CORRINE: (laughs) I work three days a week and take home anywhere between 1500-3000 a week. And yes actually Uncle Sam does get a piece of my "pay check" to cover the owners asses financially.
GDEVIL: Gotta love capitalism. Ok. So you get money for sexual favors. I'm not expert but isn't that prostitution?
CORRINE: Well yes. Its all relative. If people wanna call me a prostitute they can. But for the most part I don't do too many full or lip service sessions, just happy endings. I mean I actually do give a massage. And to protect myself I don't "serve" anyone not hip to the lingo. There is a certain eticate to follow ya know.

GDEVIL: Just to clear things up for our readers. Full service is intercourse. Lip service is a blowjob and the happy ending is a handjob.
CORINNE: You're pretty bright.

GDEVIL: I went to Catholic school most of my life and had a priest teach us sex ed. I'm a slow learner. Ok you said something about eticate? How does someone approach you about other services other than the basic massage?
CORINNE: Well first off, you have to know where we're located. Usually word of mouth and references from past customers that we know will get you in the door. Or if you know one of the girl's names and request her, or make an appointment. Very rarely do we accept first time walk ins. Once you're inside the woman at the desk will take the house fee for the massage, anywhere from 40 to 60 bucks. Then your girl will lead you to a room, have you undress and begin the massage.

GDEVIL: So when does this happy ending come into play?
CORRINE: Some girls run their room different. Some like to be upfront from the beginning and ask what you what you want. If the customer doesn't have the right response then your just getting a massage and that's it. They are looking for answers such as "manual release", "happy ending", lip service or full service. If a guy states any of these the girl knows what she is dealing with, and usually the guy is naked already. Law enforcement isn't suppose to get naked then bust you.

GDEVIL: That'd be some sight to see. TJ Hooker balls ass naked handcuffing a bunch of massage girls.
CORRINE: (laughing) I LOVED THAT SHOW! Oh, and also the fee or "donation" should be known prior. For example if you want full service you should know that it usually runs about 200 bucks. I tell my customers as they disrobe to leave my tip on the table then leave the room. When I get back I look at the amount left on the table and I know what the customer wants. 60 gets you a happy ending. 100 gets you a topless blowjob and 200 gets you full service.

GDEVIL: You should offer coupons in the Sunday paper. 2 for 1 specials and shit like that.
CORRINE: Oh please some girls get VERY creative when trying to snag more customers. Ads on Myspace, Craigslist. I've even seen one girl hand out cards and she would punch a hole and initial each visit a guy made ad his 6th visit was always free with 5 previous.

GDEVIL: Oh my god just like Dunkn Donuts! Dunkn Deeznuts! That’s genius! Is this girl available for a marketing position?
CORRINE: I'll have to ask her.

GDEVIL: So, what's the strangest thing that has happened to you in that massage room? Any really off the wall requests?
CORRINE: After doing this for 4 years I think I may have seen it all, so nothing really comes off as strange to me anymore. I had some guy want me to pee on him one time. I told him no but then he offered me 500 so I took him in the shower room and pissed on the guy. Another guy wanted my panties stuffed in his mouth during a massage. A lot of guys are into S&M I've noticed. Its kind of a turn on actually.

GDEVIL: That leads me to my next question? How does this job affect your social life? Are you single?
CORRINE: Ah the million dollar question. Yes. I have a boyfriend and he's pretty special to me.

GDEVIL: How does he feel about your chosen profession?
CORRINE: He plays dumb. He knows what goes on but he also trusts me. It's just a job, there's absolutely no romantic link between any of my clients and me. He knows that, and it works for us.

GDEVIL: That would bother the shit out of me. Knowing my girl is manually releasing other dudes? It's gotta bother him a little bit no?
CORRINE: There has been some friction about it in the past. He has a good job and tells me he would take care of me and I won’t have to work ever again, blah, blah, blah. But like I said before I like to have MY money. I enjoy doing this, I was doing it before I met him. Pretty Woman this ain't. I don’t need rescuing.

GDEVIL: I can understand where you're coming from. But maybe you're taking your independence a bit too far? I mean you aren't working the late shift at the local diner. Your blowing guys.
CORRINE: (laughing) You make it sound so horrible!

GDEVIL: I'm just callin' a spade a spade. So how long do you plan on doing this? I mean is there a retirement plan in the massage girl union? I can't imagine much business for aging girls skilled in the art of happy endings.
CORRINE: That's a good question. I don't know really. I'm not stupid with my money. I like to have nice things but I do save a lot and invest some here and there. A client of mine actually got me started in a 401k so I'm not worried about getting older. I'll do this till I'm ready to do something else.

GDEVIL: Do you ever think your profession will be legalized?
CORRINE: I hope not! Then they would tax everything I make! (laughing)

GDEVIL: Ladies and gentlemen an enterprising female. Looks like we're out of burgers. I feel a little sick.
CORRINE: Awww poor baby got a tummy ache? Want me to rub your back? (winks)

Labels: Interrogation, Video

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